Watch your lip, boy!

It's not luck you son-of-a-bitch.
I just know what the Navy is capable of. That's all.

Practice Week Picks
ecu (and skippy holtz) +26 over VT (McBEEFS)
QUACK ATTACK -10.5 over Houston
WISCONSIN -14 over wsu
TOUCHDOWN JESUS -2.5 over gt
BIG UGLY CHRISTMAS TREE +16.5 over ucla
Elder Bowden -3 over YOUNGER BOWDEN

Congrats, Nols. It appears (early in the 4th quarter) as though your first 2 picks will come through. Beginner's luck I suppose. I guess they don't have QBs at Annapolis like Roger Staubach or Thomas Magnum anymore.

And how did Jackie Sherrill get access to MSU sideline? That clown should be banned from that stadium.

"SARS" - That's fucking awesome. Confronting men in public urinals regarding their personal hygiene is commendable.

As for the game last night, did anyone catch freshman Jai Eugene throwing gang signs to the camera? Then having senior Zenon tell him to cut that shit out. Giggles from Gibbons.

Oh, then I think white boy Steltz was caught teaching some kind of sign on the sideline too. Although there's not too many white, surfer gangs in LA, so I'm not convinced his was a gang sign. Or maybe I'm just racist. Whatever, dude.

I'm very fired up.

I cursed out a Canadian today for the first time, and was subsequently tempted to choke him to unconciousness.

As I finished urinating in the toilet at work, a short, fat sailor confronts me.

"Can you do me a favor and wash your hands?"

Followed by a belated and deliberatly disrespectful "sir."

I answered only "Excuse me?" as I walked out the door, now determined never to wash my hands in a Canadian toilet again.

He then says, "please tell me you wash your hands after you use the bathroom."

Now, as a matter of course, I do not wash my hands after pissing. I know where my dick has been. More often than not I wash my hands before I take a piss, since whatever I've touched in a bathroom is dirtier than anything in my crotch.

So I tell him an abreviated version of this theory...something like..."I just took a piss, and why are you talking to me in the bathroom at all?"

His answer: "who do you work for?"

This is when I lost it. "Are you fucking kidding me? You're seriously coming to me with this shit? I work for the US Navy." Of course he was looking for my immediate boss here in Canada.

"Who do you work for?" I ask - aggresively, and obviously unconcerned with the answer. So he goes with a different approach.

"Have you ever heard of SARS sir."

This is when I visualized choking him and could actually feel myself begining to twitch.

Luckily I recoverd my composure and threw out a classic "FUCK OFF dude."

I thought I would share this as now it has me ready to kick Canadian asses all day.

Blackouts, Bennetts, & Bears
That blackout book looks super. We should buy a copy for the library. And as for a "more substantive Bennett update", as soon as I finish my jumbo-shrimp cocktail and nonalcholic beer, I'll get up, turn off my Alanis Morisette CD, and get right on that for you, big guy. That should cover my bear quota, too.



Doug Flutie's Hairline
Did anyone else hear the crack taken at Doug's hair during the ESPN pregame commentary? It happened about 5 minutes before kickoff for the LSU game. It set a glorious tone for the night.

NO, dude. I said we weren't talking about it anymore! Why do you keep bringing it up? I only mentioned it as an example of us not dwelling on stupid stuff like homo-erotic fantasies of professional athletes...geez.

And that's bullshit about "Iceman". So We're going to let mediocre players take and essentially "retire" a key nickname like "Iceman"?? If that' the case, we might as well hang up the whole nickname thing because everything's already been taken! Next thing you're going to say is that "sweetness" isn't a good nickname for Doucet.

Certain Nerds..you mean this guy?:

Iceman Is Out; I'm Calling "No Joy"
Sorry, can't use "Iceman" for Flynn. It's already been used for Clausen, and we all know how that worked out. We can just call him the "Robin Thicke" of college football, since he's a cool white guy who's really popular with black people.

I think the only people to get the official boot were Bender, Wainwright, and myself. Bender and Wainwright in the fall, and myself during the week of my graduation, even though I didn't even hear about it until a few days after I graduated. Technically, of course, I was never expelled and I am an alumnus. John Allen and Mr. Whitfield are still in grave danger of getting their houses firebombed. The same is also true for various nerds, of course, but I consider them lesser players with the exception of one short, bald-headed, high-strung, squeaky-voiced rat.

As for that "crotch-obsession," comment, you will pay for that the next time I see your ass. I don't know how yet, and I don't know when, but I do know that you will face a reckoning for your abusive ways. You better pray I don't just go all Iron Mike on you. Perhaps I'll save that for Gibbons.

P.S. -- Oh, and Nols, be sure to tell Beth that pregnant women suck at trying to beat the spread. Also, congratulations on being 1-0 on your first parlay so far.

Heh, Heh. Good to see you on the corner. I don't really remember the who's and why's of that deal. Just curious.

Flynn performed precisely as good as I hoped he would.

I am hereby announcing the nickname for Flynn of "Iceman." I hope you all agree, will help me promote this, and will give me credit.

Have a Great Labor Day Weekend!

Lookin' tough....lookin tough.

I quit by the way, but I wasn't in danger of getting kicked out though.

Good post Gibb.....you had me waking up beth laughing with your double "probably." Very well done.

I hate how some people are fags and hold a grudge over simple cah-razy drunkenness. Especially cops. I know chics who get over "missteps" faster than some guys I know.

Like Truck's crotch-obsession with a former Bears Quarterback. We probably won't even be talking about that next week, probably.

Anyway, that's all I'm saying.

Truck where do you go out lately? Btw, who all technically got the "boot" from chapter by nationals as opposed to just quitting? That was after I graduated so I can't remember for sure..

You're God damned right you messed up. If this weren't a practice week, I would ban you from this website. Don't fuck up again!

Hey I messed up. Navy will not win by 20. I pick TEMPLE to cover.

I'm running a little bit behind in my research. Let's see if I can get this done before kickoff of the Rutgers game...

Truck's 2007 Preseason College Football Rankings
(AP Preseason Rank Is in Parentheses)
#1. Louisiana State (2)
#2. Southern Cal (1)
#3. Louisville (10)
#4. Florida (6)
#5. Virginia Tech (9)
#6. Wisconsin (7)
#7. Georgia (13)
#8. West Virginia (3)
#9. Florida State (19)
#10. Oklahoma (8)
#11. California (12)
#12. Texas (4)
#13. Ohio State (11)
#14. Michigan (5)
#15. Hawaii (23)
#16. Rutgers (16)
#17. Auburn (18)
#18. TCU (22)
#19. Texas A&M (25)
#20. South Carolina (NR)
#21. Tennessee (15)
#22. Notre Dame (NR)
#23. Penn State (17)
#24. Clemson (NR)
#25. Miami(FL) (NR)

Not Ranked:
UCLA (14)
Nebraska (20)
Arkansas (21)
Boise State (24)

And in January, thou shalt call me Nostradamus.

My Picks - Navy, FSU, LSU

Navy 20 TEMPLE
Florida State 3 CLEMSON
LSU 17.5 MSU

First Picks
Iowa State - 3.5 Kent
Wisconsin -14 Wazzou
ucla -16.5 mcmahon's man crush
colorado - 3 csu
asu -14.5 san jose
tt -8.5 smu

boy am i glad the first week doesn't count

I do remember that now. You're a good man Peter Gibbons. Dealing with Jodi Bertman trying to run interference for CRizz. God you're right. Not knowing who or how bad was always horrible. I remember being hungover at my parents house (I often took refuge at my parents house after really serious nights...just trying to avoid EVERYONE I knew until I got things sort of figured out) one evening and watching the six o' clock news to see that a white car had been involved in a hit and run in Port Allen somewhere....

Of course I'd wrecked my white car into something the night before.

I remember just being freaked out until I learned that I'd only hit a speed limit sign. And that I had not made it past West Lakeshore Drive, much less to Port Allen....but goddamn if it didn't take me two very stressful days to figure that out.

I also remember taking three days to locate my car once. I found it at some random house that I'd no recolection of visiting before, only after consuting Nick Sucko and his Tarot cards as to it's whereabouts.

This is all,of course, just the tip of the iceberg. This is a BIG can of worms to open.

"In fact I think she called the night off just after ordering dinner. I don't know what happened to Peter Gibbons after that, but I didn't see him for several days."
Do you not remember our outing to Skip's batting cages the following morning? Sitting there on the bench waiting for CRizz to get a break. Trying to figure out what we did wrong the night before, knowing we did something wrong - just didn't have a clue as to what and who we pissed off.

Those were always the worst for me. That feeling in my gut the next morning knowing I did something shitty/stupid/awesome that pissed somebody off - just not knowing what I did and who I did it to.

Like the time Greg and Slut informed me a cop came looking for me the night after Truck and I fell asleep in a ditch. He left his name and word to call him. So, of course, I wait the standard 24 hours while trying to figure out just what the hell he wanted me for. I then call and are told that "He no longer works here. Why do you ask? Can I help you?"

The Wisdom of Pseudonyms
Of course, all these stories are exactly why it is sometimes wise to use pseudonyms on the Internet, and also why some past shit was cleared away. Also, I know of at least 3 good stories where I passed out in a car, but I think I'll save those for later in the drinking--I mean football--season.

"except for Truck, his is parked out back in the field."
Those big rigs are a bitch to park, you know.

That's 0-for-3 On Our Valentine's Dates That Night
Little known is the fact that I too had a prospective sort-of-date that night. Julie Broussard came over to our party at the fraternity house that night to meet me, but since I had been drinking since the early evening beginning at the geology department, I soon passed out. By the time Julie arrived and asked where I was, I had already gone into my room, passed out, and locked the door. What can I say? Sometimes I have the energy to go on until the crack of dawn, and sometimes I simply do not.

Hmmm, I wonder if Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton have any good stories.

"Who thinks they've got a good enough story to make it on this website?"

Here, Here. I think all the active posters here could add some shit to that site. We park our cars in the same garage...except for Truck, his is parked out back in the field.

"but wasn't surprised to be bombarded with angry looks when wondering down to the chapter room at around 2:00 PM."

HAHA! YEAH! And then after about 20 minutes of angry looks someone finally pipes up, "Gibby you were a fuckin DICK last night." To which I could respond "sorry dude" because 1) I couldn't remember enough to defend myself and 2) they were probably right...

I remember waking up in my car with the seat kicked back wearing kahkis, a tshirt, and wet socks. I think I was trying to make a Cane's run at 3am and passed out before I could start the car. I remember thinking, "Don't think about it, just go inside" over and over again until I got in my room and passed out...

I remember one of those nights started with Truck, P. Gibbons and I taking in a "friday social" with all of the other geology grad students in the atrium of Howe Russell. . We were not invited back on the following Friday. Things began to fade around 3:00 in the afternoon. I had a date around six, and so did P. Gibbons. It was Valentine's day.

The next day I was no longer dating C. Rizz and heard that the breakup had something to do with my time in Vietnam. Oh, and John wasn't dating his blind date from that night anymore either. We were REALLY not her scene. In fact I think she called the night off just after ordering dinner. I don't know what happened to Peter Gibbons after that, but I didn't see him for several days. As for Truck....just another morning started with a bleary "Je-sus."

John's right. Tant would have had a lot of work to do.

And no hard feelings Truck...I loved every one of those Buicks. The AWG brings back some great memories..... of mornings where I have no idea what happened the night before, but wasn't surprised to be bombarded with angry looks when wondering down to the chapter room at around 2:00 PM.

I think I liked this post the best: "My friend tells me I was alone in the bedroom with our new guy friend, making lots of 'happy noises.' I still don’t know if anything happened. I do know my thong panties were inside out the next morning."

We should have created that site 11 years ago.

Of course people like Tant would have had to write the incidents down. Or at least tell us what cool things we did.

Blackout Stories
Who thinks they've got a good enough story to make it on this website?

24 HOURS UNTIL KICKOFF!!!
Make Mike the Tiger stand right up and roar ... ROAR!

It's spelled "emoticon," jackass. And welcome to the 21st century.

I see, as in the Wesley Snipes line, "always bet on black." Or perhaps you just see a red door and you want it painted black? Hmmm, I'll have to go and ponder this.

Black. And I had no idea that "emotican" was a word. I haven't spent much time in Greenwich Village though.

Black.

Hyphenated Profanity
I guess I didn't study up enough on the use of hyphens in slang. I do admit that I've often used "mother fucker" and "mother-fucker" without knowing which one was more correct. Let's see if I can use a hyphen correctly. Hmmm, let's see. How about, any faggot who uses the ":)" emoticon is a gay-ass mother-fucker? Or should I say "uncle fucka" like in the South Park movie?

The military pays a bunch of money for the IP necessary to assemble those packets, and they have a very small base of customers to actually buy the material and recoup the costs. Copyright law can really suck some times. It's overly harsh in my opinion.

"Anyway, I'd like to wish all of you a happy labour day. And I want you to know that I enjoy my harbour view apartment right in the middle...er...the centre of town."
God, that was awful.

As for the LeSabre, that's different. It's a French word, not an English one. It's also a proper noun, a useful brand name that was meant to show everyone in the LSU Greek system how classy I was.

P.S. -- And, by the way, you're avoiding the question, Noland. What was your color? I need to know if I am to have any hope of peering into your soul.

I misspoke...it was $601 for two COURSE PACKETS and a paperback. The paperback was very expensive....these damn military theory books are all expensive, but almost $550 for a bunch of xerox copies! Outlandish.....as if I measure my life in something other than coffee spoons :)


Also, it's gay-ass.
There's a hyphen.
If your bitch-ass isn't going to use slang correctly then don't use it at all. (see how easy that was? And I didn't even go to NYU)

Anyway, I'd like to wish all of you a happy labour day. And I want you to know that I enjoy my harbour view apartment right in the middle...er...the centre of town.

And if you have anything to say about that Truck...I'll remind all faithful readers that one (in a long and distinguished line of amazingly hot Buicks) of your cars was a LeSabre.

At least I paid $601 Canadian.

Alright, Noland, I'll bite--why did you pay "$601 for two binders and a paperback book"?

The Burial of the Dead ...
And speaking of the incredibly esoteric, and of something probably only Noland will appreciate, there's a hilarious YouTube clip of T.S. Eliot reading the opening part of his famous poem "The Waste Land" with a friggin' crazy Anglo-American/high-brow accent that no longer exists today.

Bears
And in all fairness, I do have an extremely strong affinity for bears (see the Lindsay Lohan montage), hence my like of Bear linebackers and quarterbacks, including such greats as Singetary and McMahon. You know, "McMahon" stands for "son of bear" in Irish. As I've said before, Gibbons, I am a purple bear, and you are a blue dog. I also recall that Noland was a raccoon, although I don't remember his color--or as they write in gay ass Canada, "colour."

And Bender, if you're reading this, take note that all this commentary is very ESOTERIC.

P.S. -- I'm sure Trey understands. His dad was a Bear. Also, Peter Gibbons was a gay bear for his freshman year in high school.

Hey, Why Are Some Kids Just That Fucking Stupid? How Do You Answer That?
I feel bad for the Miss South Carolina girl. That was a totally lame question that had no good answer. Her response reminded me of how I must sound in job interviews.

And, Peter, I have no desire to eat your precious children, but unfortunately, it's really not up to me. I just put my faith in the will of Allah and do what my local imam tells me to do. I trust that his blind faith in Islam will steer him in the right direction. Praise be to Allah!

And, Noland, just pick the 3-6 teams that you think are going to beat their spreads before Saturday (or if you pick one or more teams that play on Thursday or Friday, do it before they start their games). If the spreads are accurate, you'll be right about 50% of the time, but actually a little less because I count ties as losses.

That's why we're doing a practice week. I'll post my picks, and you can just play follow the leader.

I just bought "school supplies" for the first time in six years or so. I was the only shopper there over ten. This is after I've just paid $601 for two binders and a paperback book.

So how does the betting work? Do we just post our picks here? I'm going to go all season just on instinct. I'm that casual with money.

Peter Gibbons....I see you're playing with a sleeping giant. I like it.

Berkeley GayBear Land

Ironic, seeing as how you're Gay for an ex-Bear.

And on the lighter side, in honor of ULL's opponent this week.

(By the way Truck, if you go all Iron Mike on me - please don't eat my children.)

Notice that Tennessee is the only SEC team that's an underdog (that's playing an out-of-conference opponent). That fat bastard Fulmer better not let the conference down over in Berkeley GayBear Land.

Lines for Our Practice Week
Thursday, Aug. 30
BALL STATE 6 Miami Ohio
RUTGERS 32 Buffalo U
Lsu 17.5 MISSISSIPPI ST
IOWA STATE 3.5 Kent
Unlv 6.5 UTAH STATE
OREGON STATE 6.5 Utah
Tulsa 3 UL MONROE

Friday, Aug. 31
Navy 20 TEMPLE
Washington U 3.5 SYRACUSE

Saturday, Sept. 1
WEST VIRGINIA 23.5 Western Michigan
VIRGINIA TECH 26 East Carolina
MIAMI FLORIDA 18 Marshall
MICHIGAN STATE 21 Uab
Connecticut 4 DUKE
Virginia 4 WYOMING
NEBRASKA 21 Nevada
Mississippi 2.5 MEMPHIS
Iowa 11.5 NO ILLINOIS (N)
OREGON 14.5 Houston U
WISCONSIN 14 Washington State
NOTRE DAME 2.5 Georgia Tech
Missouri 4.5 ILLINOIS (N)
Ucla 16.5 STANFORD
BOSTON COLLEGE 6.5 Wake Forest
BYU 4.5 Arizona U
AKRON (N) 5 Army
NC STATE 8 Central Florida
TCU 20.5 Baylor
GEORGIA 6.5 Oklahoma State
KANSAS 7.5 Central Michigan
COLORADO (N) 3 Colorado State
PITTSBURGH U 20 Eastern Michigan
Purdue 6.5 TOLEDO
AUBURN 13.5 Kansas State
MINNESOTA U 14.5 Bowling Green
CALIFORNIA 6 Tennessee U
New Mexico 3 UTEP
ARIZONA STATE 14.5 San Jose State
USC 47 Idaho
PENN STATE 38 Florida Intl
TEXAS 39 Arkansas State
OKLAHOMA 40.5 North Texas
SOUTH CAROLINA (NL) UL Lafayette
ARKANSAS 24 Troy
FLORIDA ATLANTIC 2.5 Middle Tenn St

Monday, Sept. 3
Texas Tech 8.5 SMU
Florida State 3 CLEMSON

I had to go to Bodog's new website to get the spreads for a few games listed above (the Missouri, Arizona State, and USC games [I couldn't find anything for the South Carolina game]) when Sheridan's webpage had a bunch of 1/2 symbols. If you notice any discrepencies in the spreads, tell me. Also, I'm not sure what that (N) is supposed to stand for. Maybe it means that the game is being played at a neutral site? Finally, this putting a "U" at the end of a team's name is totally gay. We know that "Tennessee" means the University of Tennessee. Sheridan needs to get his act together this year.

Oh, I think I figured it out now. He puts the spread in the left column when the team in the left column is favored, and he puts the spread in the right column when the team in the right column is favored. Unfortunately, he's trying to jam spreads and over/unders into the same column in the right, which isn't working too well. What a jackass. Why can't he just always put the favored team on the left like a normal person?

I think he added a column for over/unders, except that a lot of games don't have over/unders, and he screwed up the formatting so that for those games the spreads got misplaced into the over/under column, and the spread column was left blank by mistake. Got that? Good. Since you're such a lazy ass, I will format the lines for this week.

It looks like Sheridan's Odds have stayed the same as last year, except he added a column for the Over/Under and omitted the spread from over half the games.

Truck, you gotta find some lines and post em. I have daddy shit to take care of right now.

Introducing Roscoe (Soon to Be Mike VI)

Mike the Tiger is dead. Long live Mike the Tiger!!!

Why are Sheridan's Odds all fucked up looking this year?

Predictions: Part I
MLB Predictions

(1) Cubs over Cardinals
The Cubs, without Prior and Wood, and with the pitching staff from nowhere, lead the Cardinals by 2 games (and the Brewers by 2.5 games) in the NL Central with 32 games left to go. I'm taking the Cubs. Suck it, Myles Martin.

(2) Wild Card Race Between Padres, Phillies (3 GB), and Dodgers (3.5 GB)
Who cares?

(3) Indians over Tigers
I like Detroit, but they're effin' up. They're 3.5 GB with 30 games to go.

(4) Yankees over Mariners
I'm still a Yankees fan. They're only one game behind the Mariners right now for the AL wild card spot, and with 30 games to go, I think they'll pull it out.

This is Kige Ramsey--cough, I mean Truck Driver--for Trucker's Corner sports.

"Where can you even find pics of marginally ugly girls?"
College volleyball teams are always a good place to go looking for such a thing. They are also big and athletic enough to be capable of producing football-playing sons, which is always a plus in my book.

And while I'm still pissed at Peter Gibbons, I'll repeat the dumb comment of the season last year from him after LSU lost that ridiculous Auburn game: "I don't see why you're [me and Tant] so upset. You didn't think LSU was going to go through the season without a loss, did you?" No, but if we hadn't lost to Auburn we would have been two games away from another national championship, which was a very real possibility last year.

God, that was one of the very worst days of my whole life. If you feel like getting yourself worked up and infuriated all over again, just check out some of the bad calls from that game here.

Where can you even find pics of marginally ugly girls? I tried to google and get one, but it was too mean trying to select one based on "marginally ugly." I agree with Truck.

My God, Man. That Tyson video was frikkin awesome. There were even a few clips on there that I haven't seen before.

I personlly believe its important for America for Lohan and Britney to stay coked up and cRaZaY! Sober and rational Britney and Lindsey means the terrorists have won.

You should check out some more Ernie (discussed below) another tidbit:

1. Ms. Allgood excused herself to use the restroom and asked if I would mind waiting. I, of course, did not. [Nothing that I had to do that was pressing had occurred to me in the past fifteen minutes.] Ms. Allgood returned from the restroom. As she passed by me, she swung a white piece of cotton on a string under my nose. I think it was a tampon.
2. I would have never known, were it not for the events at these two law schools, how many women are willing to commit adultery. Four women and two males in the neighborhood surrounding my home have let me know, and not exactly subtlely, that they considered me desirable as a partner for sex. This is an EXACT quote: "------, you wouldn't have to chase me to get me down." Another female, in the presence of her husband, stated to me that they were experimenters and the bedroom was ready. Later on, her husband, on the front lawn and between our houses, while pointedly looking at my crotch, stated to me that he took an AIDS and a drug test every six months. This kind of extremely overt crap never happened to me before I went to these successive law schools.

Bear in mind this guy is hugely obese, old, and rough-looking.

48 HOURS UNTIL KICKOFF BITCHES!!!

The Lindsay Lohan Game
Alright, let's move on and try to lighten the mood here. Noland, nobody wants to see pictures of marginally ugly girls. Much like Travis Barnett or Matt Osborne, marginally ugly girls are for pouring drinks on in bars. I suggest a more fun game. I'll give $50 to the first person who can figure out which one of the following 4 pictures is NOT Lindsay Lohan showing off one of her boobs:









Hahahaha!

And Truck....everybody likes the old running joke. It's hard to let it go.

Understand what you're saying Gibb, but I like the binary system since it leaves room for regret. Sometimes you just have to choke back the shame in front of your friends and say..."yeah man....reluctantly....she's an upcheck." Which is a lot more meaningful then saying she's a two, or a ten, or whatever. You aren't putting yourself on the line with that.

Anyway, the point is let's start posting pictures of marginally ugly girls on here. That;s all I'm saying.

It's an old running joke, God damn it!!! What part of that don't you people understand!?! If I hear one more fucking comment about how I supposedly thought some dude was hot I'm seriously going to fucking kill somebody. I'm going to turn into this guy.

Here's Elisabeth Hasselbeck vs. Rosie O'Donnell.

Oh, and I think Trey is thinking of going to Tejas.

Compelling.

Let's stay organized here...

1) I know what you mean. Truck's not gay, but going into detail about how hot and handsome Harbaugh is, is gay. It's probably easier to call it either "gay" or "homo." For example, if during the late 1990's I secretly enjoyed listening to boy band songs, that would be gay. I'm pretty certain that 100% of men have their "gay" (meaning kinda fruity) things, some just won't admit it OR are by their very essence gay enough to not need to, like Callihan. I don't think homo needs to be distinguished; I think we all know that's very specific. Truck's love of Harbaugh may be gay, but not homo.

2) Noland, I couldn't disagree more with your proposed rating system :^). Built into the "classic" 1-10 are allowances for desperation, drunkeness, and freakiness. This binary system is just too oversimplified! It seems there would be a large class of women who would be 0 except under this condition or that could be a 1. It almost seems like a 3 tiered rating would be better because you can account for your obvious yes's, and no's and then focuss discussion on the middle tier...

I'm seriously about to pop a couple of mother-fuckers here in the mouth. How's that for a creepy observation? Let's please drop this subject before I start killing people.

Let's get serious.

Having a mancrush doesn't mean that you're "gay." But a mancrush is gay.

I know it's subtle.

Nerd it's good to be back in touch with you. I've been to visit Manny Crespo and Seth Turner, and usually hang out with Ryan Malone when I'm back in town. I want to see as many of you as possible when I'm back there.

Finally, I'd like to propose a rating system for women that is far more honest and amusing than the typical 1 - 10 scale. Let' get back to basics with a binary system. Would I? Or wouldn't I? This means you have to think a little more. For instance that loudmouth fat woman that D. Trump likes to argue with.....an obvious "0". Whoever that blonde is that you just posted a picture of.....an obvious "1." The fun comes when its not so obvious.

Think of that slightly chubby girl you knew in class.... You have to be mature, and know yourself at all levels for this to work. For instance...I might casually call some girl a 0. But then I have to know how I am when drunk/lonely/living in a retirement home. I have to remember that I've been at the crossroads, and then I have to really take a look at it and answer honestly. I think the honest, adult man who is not ashamed of putting himself out there will have more ones than zeros. A lot more.

You see, this system has real meaning, and much more fun to use when sitting in a bar/restaurant or some other public place with a friend who knows the system than anything else I've come across.

I learned it in the Navy. So you know it's good.

So lets not talk about any more obvious 1's. Let's get out there on the fringe. Let's post about those possible 1's. Let's put ourselves out there. Let's quit screwing around.

Elizabeth Hasselback, formerly of Survivor fame, now with The View.The person we can all thank for helping force that disgusting piece of trash Rosie O from the show and calling out her hypocrisy.

I was hoping for a more substantive Bennett update...

Noland, thanks for not calling me out on that Choctaw ramble. What the F was I thinking??

Is having a mancrush the same as being gay? I thought it was different, like Costanza's mancrush on that cool mountain climber guy...

Anyone still talk to Trey? I saw him the other day..

Matt Bennett Update
Speaking of man-crushes, you will all, no doubt, take interest in the fact that I talked to Bennett the other day on the phone for about an hour. He is doing well. He has an apartment in Atlanta, Georgia, and lives near Shane Haney, who brought Bennett to a party one night that turned out to be hosted by Kory Burke. James Lewis was spotted on at least one occassion and, on information and belief, also resides in Atlanta.

For more on this and other Bennett updates, call/text Bennett at the same phone number he has had for the last 10 years (407-234-8548), or e-mail him at mb1lsuspe@hotmail.com.

"Thinking so, makes it so..."

Settle down, Truck. It was just an observation. A creepy observation.

I guess it's my job to post the lines again, I will do so tomorrow a.m.

And who the hell is Elizabeth you people are referring to?

Harbaugh is the "Rob Lowe" of the NFL. It happened just like Truck said, and it's true because I said it. If we can make choices in our lives based on Kige Ramsay's ramblings then we can damn sure accept my edicts with out any argument. Enough on Harbaugh.
That being said, why have we now moved on to Linbackers? And Truck....no one here gives a shit how good Northwestern's buisness school is. I'd like the second and a half of my life back that I wasted reading that.

Go Saints.

Little Hollifield Has a Name
Since Mr. Gibbons didn't say, I will: Kyle Andrew Hollifield.

Brad Poppins?
Tant has "nanny" written all over him.

Elisabeth is awesome. A very Jesuit mindset. Like Emily, she also played softball in college, being a captain for the Boston College Golden Eagles.



Oh, and the Harbaugh jokes were clearly not meant to be taken at face value. It's just an arbitrary joke. I grow weary of all this incessant calling the other person "gay." Let's call a truce ... except for those "Navajo faggots," of course.

Catch-up:

Truck's Blissful Love Affair With Harbaugh.
I don't know Truck. Perhaps it's phrases like:

"he is a devilish, rakish sort who likes to use hot women for sex" or "Jim Harbaugh, looking as handsome and as powerful as a Kennedy" that may have given an indication of a mancrush. But hey, if you're going to have a mancrush, Harbaugh's in the upper echelon for receiving that attention, although he's now a bit dated. Brady's got crazy game, but "he a dawg."Hasselbeck with Elizabeth, man, she's fundamentally awesome.

Violence in Citronelle, Alabama
What is the muslim population in Citronelle? Not being discriminatory, but they seem to like graphic physical violence as a google search will show anyone wanting to see such things. Perhaps the victims made an offhand statement about Mohammed or something. The fact that this drug activity began occurring around the same time Gibbons was there is compelling. Regardless, I remember in past readings that some tribes of Indians also frequently committed graphic violent acts like these. But I just read that the Indians there are Choctaws, one of the five civilized tribes. They wouldn't do something like that, they were traders and business owners, as well as the ORIGINAL code-talkers in WWI, wayyy before those Navajo faggots jumped on board and stole the glory. They were also one of the earliest humanitarian aid groups providing humanitarian relief during the Great Irish Famine (1845-1849).

Twins
We wanted twins, although I can't imagine how much harder it is. I think you should enlist Tant as a nanny.

NFL Survivor Contest
Is anyone else going to compete with me in the TigerDroppings.com Pick'em Contests this year? The first two are kind of stupid because you mostly just pick the favorites every game, but the NFL Survivor Contest looks intriguing.

Lance Briggs, I Salute You
First of all, fuck you, Mr. Gibbons, for saying I have "creepy" mancrushes on quarterbacks. The Jim Harbaugh thing goes back to a random conversation I had with Il Furioso when we woke up drunk on a couch about 10 years ago with an NFL game on television. I think we were talking about 80's movies with characters like James Spader and Rob Lowe, and one of us comedically asked the question: "Who do you think is the 'Rob Lowe' of the NFL?" The best answer we could come up with, of course, was Jim Harbaugh. The theme took on a life of its own from there.

As for Brady, I was simply pointing out that he's got game. It's similar to mentioning Sehorn and Harmon, or Hasselbeck and Filarski, or Urlacher and Hilton, just for the sake of conversation. I wouldn't read too much into it, asshole.

Anyway, on to Lance Briggs. He was recently charged with leaving the scene of an accident after crashing his $350,000 Lamborghini onto a light pole along Interstate 94 at 3:15 A.M.

Gutierrez said it was "undetermined" if drugs or alcohol were involved in the crash, that Briggs was not tested and it was too late to determine if they were a factor.
Haha. Yeah, right. We all know what happened here. Way to play it cool, Briggs.

"He hasn't broken any team rules, as far as I know, so there's no reason to," [Lovie] Smith said. "At 3 o'clock, you'd like for your players to be in. Beyond that, people out at those times of the night are not always getting in trouble."
In other words, he's an All-Pro Bears linebacker, and he should be able to get away with anything he damn wants--at least until the real season starts.


Briggs and Urlacher warm up for practice.

Of course, often left out of conversations about Bear linebacking is Hunter Hillenmeyer, who is actually really good and my favorite of the three. It's good to have somebody representing Vandy in the NFL, and it's impressive that's he's working on getting his MBA from Northwestern. People often don't realize how good of a business school they've got up there. It's consistently ranked in the Top 5.


The underappreciated Hunter Hillenmeyer.

That's INSANE. Hopefully the guy makes it through somehow. Jesus....

In less tragic news, Beth's not going to be induced now. The baby grew a lot this week and now looks like she'll reach a six lb. birth weight, so they are just going to let things go. It looks like two more weeks if she goes to the due date.

Wow, that's truly awful. I thought all that Indian resistance movement violence associated with protesting the sale of mining rights on sacred land and stuff died out about 30 years ago, and even then I thought it only happened in crazy places like South Dakota. Maybe not. That's freaky.

News of the Freaky
Back story - As some of you know, for about a year and a half I lived in Mobile, AL. While there I worked for Vulcan Industrial Services for a man named Mike. This plant was located on an Indian reservation about 45 miles north of Mobile. Since I left, a new plant manager was hired.

Current story - Apparently, the plant manager was found shot in the head while sitting in Mike's bullet-riddled truck last week. Just a few days later, Mike was found in his home with his eyes gouged and tongue cut out.

This is pretty f-ing freaky. Not only for the fact that had some shitty stuff not gone down, I'd most probably still be working there, but also cause of the savageness of it all. It's not like the guy was my size and could be easily subdued. He's basically Stone's body type in 20 years with a bad temper (when pushed). And he slept with a pistol under his pillow. Evidently, he's doing ok in intensive care.

So far I've heard everything from drug dealers, to the mafia, to crazy Indians, and finally the billionaire investor who bought the business at the time of my departure. God bless Mike and his family.

Introducing the Fifth Annual College Football Parlay Competition
For all those who want to play this year. As usual, we will do a practice round this week, and will then play for 12 rounds ending with the weekend of Thanksgiving.

The Official Rules
Rule 1. The season will be 12 weeks long, beginning with games played on the week of Saturday, September 8, and ending with games played on the week of Saturday, November 24 (Thanksgiving Weekend).
Rule 2. Each player must make a parlay bet from 3 to 6 picks each week. All bets entered after the game being bet upon begins will not count. Failure to place a parlay bet on a particular weekend will result in a default record of 1-3 for the non-betting competitor.
Rule 3. All bets must be placed on college games that occur from Wednesday through Monday of a particular week. The designated spread publisher, Peter Gibbons, will publish the spreads found in the USA Today on Wednesday. (Since Peter has twin girls now, I might have to pick up the slack if he's tardy.)
Rule 4. Entry fees are $5 per person, all to be paid to the winner in a timely manner after the winner has been officially declared after the final Week 12 standings.
Rule 5. After the first week of parlay bets, a new competitor may enter only on the terms and conditions agreed to by each of participating competitors.
Rule 6. The winner will be the competitor who has accumulated the most points for the twelve week betting season, with points being awarded as follows: 100 times the cumulative win-to-total-bets ratio for all bets after 12 weeks + 3 bonus points for each successful 3-bet parlay + 5.5 bonus points for each successful 4-bet parlay + 10 bonus points for each successful 5-bet parlay + 17.5 bonus points for each successful 6-bet parlay. There will be no penalty point subtractions.
Rule 7. A bet is only considered successful if a team covers the spread. All ties are counted as unsuccessful bets. The official spread for the purposes of this competition is the spread published on this blog during the week by the designated spread publisher.
Rule 8. If your bet is ambiguous or otherwise indecipherable, the commissioner will make a ruling on your bet based primarily upon the premise that the first team listed is meant to cover the spread. Upon recognizing your mistake, you may change your bet so long as the game to which it corresponds has not yet started.
Rule 9. In general, changing bets is only allowed for cases of mistaken entries. There is an exception for the last week of the season, when each competitor may change his betting strategy after reviewing the bets of all competitors that lead him in total points. The leader going into the last week may not change his bets for any reason once entered.
Honor Code. We will play under an honor code whereby each person is trusted not to change his bets before the new standings are tabulated.

And here are some old statistics from a post I made on Sunday, November 26, 2006, after Nicholson's ridiculously, crazy, wicked good year picking winners:

Some Parlay Competition Stats
With the 4th Annual College Football Parlay Competition now over, I thought I'd go back down memory lane and compile some stats of how well we've picked over the years. To make myself look better, I've included my stats from 2002.

Overall Picking Percentage
Nicholson, 110-83, .5699
Bennekers, 76-71, .5170
Stone, 129-125, .5078
Gibbons, 126-123, .5060
Martin, 90-91, .4972
Slut, 40-41, .4938
GEF, 135-145, .4821
Total, 706-679, .5097

Comment: 51% is nothing to brag about.

Overall Return on Investment Percentage (Using Parlay Points X 2)
Nicholson, 40 parlays played, return of 84 x amount for each parlay investment, 110.00% return
GEF, 60, 99, 65.00%
Gibbons, 47, 70, 48.94%
Bennekers, 35, 31, -11.43%
Slut, 16, 0, -100.00%
Martin, 39, 0, -100.00%
Stone, 47, 0, -100.00%
Total, 284, 284, 0.00%

Comment -- It's interesting that if we had been betting an even amount per parlay since 2002, that as a group we would have broken even with the house. At least we're doing better than other people as a group.

Best Seasons by Picking Percentage (Over 55%)
Nicholson (2006), 33-14, 70.21%
GEF (2002), 29-15, 65.91%
Nicholson (2005), 35-23, 60.34%
Gibbons (2006), 34-26, 60.00%
Bennekers (2004), 29-20, 59.18%
Martin (2004), 31-22, 58.49%
GEF (2006), 32-26, 55.17%

Best Seasons by Return on Investment (Using Parlay Points X 2)
Nicholson (2006), 12, 78, 550.00%
GEF (2002), 12, 52, 333.33%
GEF (2006), 12, 47, 291.67%
Gibbons (2004), 11, 35, 218.18%
Gibbons (2006), 12, 35, 191.67%
Bennekers (2004), 12, 20, 66.67%
Bennekers (2006), 11, 11, 0.00%
Nicholson (2005), 12, 6, -50.00%
Everybody else is -100.00%

Top 5 Seasons by Points (My 2002 Season Excluded)
Nicholson (2006), 109.21
GEF (2006), 78.67
Gibbons (2006), 77.50
Bennekers (2004), 69.18
Gibbons (2004), 66.73

Points of Winner for Each Competition
2003, Stone, 52.86
2004, Bennekers, 69.18
2005, Nicholson, 63.34
2006, Nicholson, 109.21

Last Year's Predictions

Final 2006 College Football AP Poll (Preseason AP Ranking; My Preseason Ranking)
1. Florida (7; NR) -- I actually said that UF would have the best defense in the SEC before the season last year, but I reasoned that they would go 4-4 in conference play because they had no offense. I guess they found enough offense to win.
2. Ohio State (1; 4) -- AP beats me again.
3. LSU (8; 5) -- I win one.
4. Southern California (6; 3)
5. Boise State (NR; NR) -- We both missed the boat here.
6. Louisville (13; 12)
7. Wisconsin (NR; NR)
8. Michigan (14; 20) -- I screwed this one up.
9. Auburn (4; 7)
10. West Virginia (5; 6)
11. Oklahoma (10; 8)
12. Rutgers (NR; NR) -- Somebody gave them 7 votes at the beginning of last year.
13. Texas (3; 1) -- So much for my national championship prediction. Way to flame out at the end of the regular season against Kansas State and Texas A&M, Mack Brown.
14. California (9; 9)
15. Arkansas (NR; 25) -- Take that AP!!!
16. BYU (NR; NR)
17. Notre Dame (2; 2) -- I was wearing green-tinted glasses. Ah, the pitfalls of fandom.
18. Wake Forest (NR; NR) -- Nobody saw this one coming.
19. Virginia Tech (17; 11) -- Back-to-back losses to Georgia Tech and Boston College sealed the Hokies' doom last year.
20. Boston College (NR; 22) -- Money.
21. Oregon State (NR; NR)
22. TCU (22; NR) -- Oops. I still can't believe Texas Tech couldn't manage to score 13 measley points to win the game against them last year.
23. Georgia (15; 13) -- I don't know what the hell was wrong with Georgia last year.
24. Penn State (19; 17)
25. Tennessee (23; NR)

I was closer to the final ranking: 7 times.
The AP was closer to the final ranking: 10 times.
We tied: 8 times.

Uggh, #22 - #25 killed me. I would have won if people still just did Top 20.

At least I called FSU not being ranked at the end of the season though. The preseason AP poll had them at #11. Of course, I didn't think UF or Tennessee would end the season ranked either.

John your babies are beautiful. It's hard to answer your question about telling them apart, since they are making different faces in the photos. In the other ones you posted they do look a lot alike. Either way nice job man, they look great.

I just wish I partied like the slut pack. When did "coke and blowjobs" replace "beer and sanctions," or "car wrecks and urine" ? Or "hangovers and waking up at random picnic tables/bus stops/fountains?"

I guess I missed the boat.

Let's just hope that the cock they are snorting coke off of belongs to one Chevy Chase. With his experience he should be able to keep these young girls safe. Either him or Bruce Willis......or Harbaugh.

I'll have to hear the "baby tant" story in Baton Rouge sometime.

Yes Gibby, newborns are strange - and loud. Little E and I were talking the other night, and if a parent of a single child (i.e. non-twins) ever tries to sympathize with what we're going through - I may have to slap the shit out of them.

As for Lohan, I heard a funny story about her and Brit at a party in the Hamptons this summer involving coke and blowjobs. Apparently rehab and Brit don't mix.

Truck, your mancrushes on quarterbacks is creepy. Although I am willing to give Brady props for his taste in groupies.

As for the Odom story, nothing surprises me when it comes to athletic democrats from louisiana/mississippi anymore.

As for the baby Tant reference, I almost spit out my beer while reading that. F-ing hilarious. Little E would get a kick out of that seeing as how she had to baby-sit him one game. And no, I wouldn't recommend bringing kids to games until they're walking. But that's just me. Seems like it would be too much of a hassle and you wouldn't get to enjoy the game as much. Although, having said that, I'm guessing I'll break that rule due to female influence. I can't recall many "normal" people doing it either.

Pics, E finally took some decent pics of the girls so I'm gonna post 2 more. This time they're not wearing those clown suits and are close ups so you can better tell what they look like. By the way, it seems the E gene is stronger cause Amelia looks exactly like Little E as a child. Caroline's first and Amelia second.

Just curious, but do you people think you could tell them apart? Their monoamniotic twins, which means they're supposed to be even more identical than "identical twins". We can tell them apart, but was wondering if others could.

Phuck. That hits close to home. Thank God he's okay. Remember Leach, the Marine who was an Acacia with Barbier? He had reupped and was over there and got blown out of his humvee by an IED, alive and fine except it blew out his eardrums to a greater or lesser degree. Fucking savages. I only regret not being able to witness the exchange between Mo the head-chopper looking for his 3000 virgins and his evil satanic majesty, Lucifer informing Mo that, not only will eternity not be paradise and sex, it will be actually be skin-peeling torment. If one believes in such things.

TIX: Shit. Our present limitations of being able to go to "events" make buying tix for the whole season not feasible. We'll probably only be able to make 1-2 games. Although maybe I could sell the remaining ones... Any ideas?

Dumb Question: Do people ("normal" people) bring babies to LSU games? I was too busy being shitfaced in the past to remember seeing any babies around, except Tant.

** nods head in agreement **

And Bruce Willis is a badass.

Tickets
Would you be interested in season tickets (7 games) at about $755 (= $305 face value + $450 required Tradition Fund contribution to TAF) per ticket? Good seats, Row K, NE part of the stadium between the 15 and the 20; almost directly across the field from the best place where our Greek tickets ever were. The downside is that you would find yourself sitting next to me.

Friday Afternoon.

So after drinking for about an hour and a half onboard Her Majesty's Canadian Ship HALIFAX I realized that I have begun my last weekend on earth as a man without children. I'm not sure what to do with myself.

As far as the coast guard.....they are simply not a military organization. Yes they have a rank structure and yes they have a cool new movie thanks to Kevin "Waterworld" Costner. But I'm afraid that their most active mission is Search and Rescue, their ships are hopelessly outclassed by second tier warships around the world, and their uniforms would make a Greyhound employee feel manly. They are great shiphandlers, and navigators. But Ashton Kutcher is no Tom Cruise, even if he hasn't jumped up and down like a jackass on Oprah's couch. They are on the "front line" in the war on terror as much as anyone else I suppose, since the "front" is not geographicly defineable. So are state troopers and border patrol officers, although they are hopelessly constrained by the governmental paralysis with regard to immagration. But in that respect I guess all of you are on the front line.

In other"front line" news..... Captain Pitre's (the guy who wrote those articles) Humvee was hit by a very poweful IED yesterday morning. He and his whole crew somehow escaped unhurt although the truck was destroyed. He's in good spirits about it and even sent me a photo of himself "yelling" at the Sgt. Driver for fucking up and hitting the thing in the first place. A joke of course. After two deployments to paradise in two years I think he's well ahead of Ashton and the coast guard in the cool department. Nathan Jesup and Sgt. Glass not withstanding, the marines' reputation as the most efficient group of badasses is intact. The French Foreign Leigon are pretty thugish as well, but lets face it.....they are French....putting them somewhere in the same tier as the coast guard.

Sorry Ashton.

Spicey Friday:

A few thoughts and observations, all IMHO:

The "hot new 'it' branch"? Dude, that's gay. Not Harbaugh-Gay though.

It seems after 9/11 the Coast Guard got a new attitude; both the public and the servicepeople realized that these guys are, in some form, on the frontlines of the GWOT, especially at larger ports and waterways. Of course, if our borders were tighter, it would put more pressure on the USCG as these would be the more likely avenues of approach for Muslim Extremists. But currently, all Mohammhed needs to do is simply go to Mexico and "WALK NORTH". Yes, we like making things very easy for the terrorists...but as usual, I digress...

The USCG is one good uniform-change and military conflict away from kickin ass. The former being more important than the latter. I would have liked the CG with the boats and water and diving. I didn't see The Guardian though. But I did see the Butterfly Effect and that was pretty damn good. I saw Punk'd once or twice too.

If Kutcher talks back, Demi will break out the strap-on.

Willis, See also "Tears of the Sun", his Great underrated badass movie. Damn good movie. It probably isn't discussed enough how good of an actor Willis is. He really doesn't miss a single line. Kostner on the other hand...

Also, Anyone Got LSU v. Virginia Tech or Florida Tickets??

Just to Spice Things Up on a Friday
While awaiting some interesting comments from Noland on Jessup and the Navy lawyer and son of a civil rights leader played by Tom Cruise in a "faggety white uniform," I'll present a simple proposition for us to debate either in favor of, or against: After Ashton Kutcher showed how the training the rescue divers go through is clearly the most rigorous and challenging course in the entire U.S. military, with his unforgettable performance in the movie "The Guardian" (a sort of "Top Gun" for rescue divers, with Kevin Costner playing the old veteran mentor), the United States Coast Guard is now the hot new "it" branch, and is where all the most bad-assed high school recruits want to go to serve their country in 2007.

Alternative Counter-Proposal to Debate For or Against: Demi Moore mocks Ashton Kutcher every night for how his performance as a rescue diver was nothing compared to her performance as a SEAL in "G.I. Jane," and how he will always be a pussy compared to Bruce Willis, which makes Ashton start to cry.

Yes, these are not quite the level of debate topics they have at the Oxford Union, but we're getting there. Baby steps. You guys should know all about those soon enough.

Also, what the hell is with that crazy Odom story? Has anybody else been reading TigerDroppings.com this morning?

No One is safe from American Liberalism, even with a Republican in the White House (don't laugh too hard, true conservatives)...

"stern physical punishment" ???

I assert to you, Truck, fellow TC bloggers, and America in general that whoever wrote that article has never seen the working end of a soviet-made cuban AK-47 assault rifle...I'll bet there's not a functioning set of balls in the entire 10News building, unless there's some old salt war correspondent on staff.

But What the Hell do I know? It took me about 8 YEARS to realize that Colonel Nathan R. Jessup wasn't the hero in "A Few Good Men", it was Tom Cruise's character, the fucking Navy Lawyer who had no idea how to defend a country and slept under the blanket of freedom that Jessup provided. Heck, Cruise even played softball under that blanket. The combat-decorated Marine Commander was apparently the "bad guy."

We shoulda known we were in trouble back then, but Bubba Clinton was POTUS and everybody was too busy gettin high and chasin skirts.



GodSpeed, Marine Corps Drill Instructor Sgt. Jerrod M. Glass, You were born about 10 years too late.

A Few Good Men?
Damn, if a U.S. Marine drill instructor can't even tell his recruits to jump in a trash can, what can he tell them to do? What has "A Few Good Men" done to our training methods?

My favorite part of the story:

Glass is accused of striking almost every member of his 60-man platoon -- some repeatedly -- during a monthlong rampage between mid-January and mid-February of this year, the Union-Tribune reported.

The charges include 91 specifications of assault, 89 of failure to obey orders and 47 of cruelty and maltreatment, the newspaper reported.

If convicted on all charges, he could be sentenced to 269 years in prison, according to the newspaper.

The next time I drink, I shall raise my glass to Jerrod Glass!

Nick Drake
So apparently my choice of song lyrics to cover up some of my more inane drunk posting didn't suit the fancy of some posters to this blog. Tough shit. It's what I happened to be listening to at the time, and I happen to like all those songs. I'm no gayer than Jim Harbaugh, who we all know (except apparently for Gibson), is very much the heterosexual. [SIDENOTE: But how about that Tom Brady, huh? Not only does he have the exceptionally hot Bridget Moynahan as his new baby's momma, but he's also dating Gisele Bundchen! Go figure.] But I've been listening to some Nick Drake lately, and I think it's really cool. It's some throw-back stuff from a different era, but if you listen to "Been Smokin Too Long," "Cocaine Blues," "Time Has Told Me," and "Broke," I think you'll like it, especially the last two.


Tom Brady, employing his "aw, schucks" charm method.

AutoAdmit
"The most prestigious law school admissions discussion board in the world." Fucking assholes. Yes, reading Ernest C. Menard's delusional blog is somewhat amusing. In fact, it's outright hilarious at times, but I also think it's sad the way these fucks comment on it, and even hope to fuel it further. Clearly, the guy should be committed somewhere.

Luckily for me, most people who went to NYU Law, at least in my class (the Class of 2004 were fucking trash), were really genuine and nice people. But assholes abound at upper-tier law schools. Anonymity on the Internet just gives us a window into their shallow souls. That whole Heide Iravani mess at Yale Law School a year or so back just gave me the creeps and made me want to throw up. And I'm not exactly known as a friend to women's issues, mind you.

The Vault, which is the premier Internet site for discussions about the most prestigious employers in the world, can be just as bad at times. I swear to God, some of these stupid 17-year-olds get into Penn and then talk smack like they're kings of the world, and how nobody who isn't in one of 5 or 6 business programs will never make it into a top I-bank. It's all so retarded.

By the way, yes, John, that Lohan bitch certainly can party in the extreme (although she just "hates" being called a "party girl"). I never really thought she was attractive in the slightest until I started hearing all those stories about her being addicted to cocaine and/or catching "anorexic." (As Kige would say, "she needs to get tested, and get help.") Now I think she's hot. I imagine in her the men's bathroom of some club doing lines of coke of some guy's willy. I like the latest story about her dad too. A true class act. Not to mention the fact that she probably has more "oops-my-tit-just-slipped-out-of-my-clothes" pictures than any other celebrity out there. Impressive.

Oh, and Matt, apparently Beth has got some serious competition if she wants to produce the cutest baby of the year. Those Little Marrons have some cute noses, you know.

Newborns are strange. I don't think I like them very much. Once they hit about the second or third month they are much cooler. By six months they are awesome, or at least our Brynn is. Others may have less-cool babies. I've already gotten the look that I percieve to be "shut up, dumbass" from her when I tease her.

Induction is cool. Being "surprised" by going into labor is spontaneous, but so is shitting your pants. And you don't see anyone other than myself wistfully dreaming about that. On this occasion, it's good to give mother nature the finger and go with modern science.

I also recommend c-sections and breastfeeding.

Cute pics John.

Good luck with everything Noland.

Truck Undergoes Record Post-Drinking Hibernation Period
I'm just now starting to stir about. Whew. I'm pretty sure I regret everything about Saturday morning. As for exactly what that pertains to, I'll figure that out later ... or maybe never would be best. I'm debating whether I should even bother to check my email messages.

Hollifield delivers

Carla gave birth to Baby Hollifield Sunday morning.

Noland, congratulations and I hope everything goes well.

As for those pics, let's see if this works:

Well, we went in yesterday for a songram and it looks like they are going to induce labor next Monday. The baby's growth has tapered off a little and so they want to deliver her early. She's healthy though so we aren't worried. Beth is just a small girl and has only gained about 15 lbs. throughout the entire pregnancy.....I suppose that's because she's nervous that I'll divorce her if her body isn't back in shape within a couple of weeks.

She should be nervous.

So in all seriousness we'll be parents next week, with a baby Canadian girl on our hands. I'll keep everyone posted.

Good to hear that you guys are home safe and sound John. Post some photos when you get a chance. Agreed on the "song lyrics" issue. There was once a time when Truck got drunk and drove to random chemical plants/SEC universities. Maybe he'd climb a tree or two in front of the Phi Mu house and scream a few obsenities. All par for the course in the life of a nice young man. I miss the days when he knew how to handle his liquor. Truck, next time you get drunk make sure you don't lose that magic glass slipper. Otherwise you'll never get to bed before you turn gay at midnight.

Great news, John.

re: hollywood sucks and Lohan. See also my statement about "Hollywood wants to turn your son into a fag and your daughter into a dike and/or slut"

Seems I've missed alot

Yes, both girls are now home. I've been quite busy with work/babies and got caught up on all the rambling this morning. Good to see gib and noland here to liven this place up.

Couple things I'd like to comment on:
Truck - stop drunk posting. and from the timeline i've constructed i believe one of the song lyrics' you posted was post-drunk. gayness

Hollywood Sucks - i hope you're not including lohan in that statement, cause that bitch can party

emily turner - she used to work out at the rec in the morning when i did last summer. her eyebrows freak me out

Gibb is right. That SigEp time that we shared was strange....it took me years to realize that not everyone drinks that much. The attitude I formed towards boozing (my favorite verb: to booze) has kept me drinking at the top level as compared to my peers....and they are in the Navy. Even my wife doesn't quite understand. I only drink once a week or so now, but last night I had seven beers. This morning my wife asked me "how are you feeling this morning," in a condescending tone of voice....as if seven beers is even worth mentioning. I almost slapped her. It would be like McMahon's girlfriend asking him if he would like a straw with his coke.
As for the Rutledge story, I'll tell the full version to all in Baton Rouge sometime in December over a few beers. Probably more than seven.

Here is something for endless Internet reading. A guy named Ernie went to LSU Law and either flunked out or got kicked out, then went to Loyola Law and also either flunked or got kicked out. He is an older rough looking guy and completely psychotic. He filed suit against LSU and Loyola Law and others in Federal Court alleging sexual harassment by faculty and students, even stating that it was a requirement in law school for students to sleep together. He used to have a website and blog but they have been taken down. You can google lsu-lawless and still the cached version. Here is one remnant of his rambling: http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=482613&mc=57&forum_id=2#6541620

He is mentally divergent. He takes anything that is said to or even around him and twists it into some conspiracy against him. Some good ones:

"Sarah and I returned to the law school. We walked in the front doors together. A number of female law students were standing by the elevator. Sarah and I must have each grown another head based on the sideways looks we received. The following day I perceived that Sarah must have started a temporary interest in a retro look. Several women that had been friendly to me were now dressed in a fashion similar to that which Sarah had affected the prior day. I did mention it to her and did state that I had found this similarity in dress amusing.
That was the second lie I had told in law school, the first being when I told Victoria McDaniel I would like to entertain her fantasy. It was actually distressing, more so at this time as the bisexual and homosexual males had started up. I will be getting to Lawrence Moore, SJ, quite soon. "

and

"In hindsight, I wish I would have of been intimate with all of them all that I think that I could have. What a great time for a mid-40’s male, aay? {I base this only on those females who asked me, more or less straight out, to have sex.} It would only have been a couple of dozen. "

Funny, he names a lot of people in his rants that I knew or was friends with in law school with various stories or remarks, like : "Peter Lappe (a vocally homophobic Texan that refers to many people as ‘jackasses,’ "

Good reading..


He had much worse in his blog, but I'm having trouble finding it...

Some dude got drunk and started making nonsensical statements. What a dumbass.

What the hell just happened?

Good God, Man. Some good activity here. Where to Begin...

CIA, et al.
You're absolutely correct Noland. But Truck, don't forget Clinton's cutbacks on HumInt in the CIA during his hayride emasculated the agency for a decade. Then they wonder why we have terrorists flying planes into buildings. As long as Tulane University is open for business, you can rest assured that the jack-booted government thugs have a long list of dirty, hairy, smelly America-haters to through before they get around to pestering good, red-blooded patriots. I guess anyway. Although I must admit I'm developing a healthy disdain for GOVT in my middle age...

Hollywood Sucks
I can honestly say, there is no low of America-hating or other fringe-socialist radicalism that Hollywood can surprise me with. Seriously. Try me. Hollywood hates America, hates white people, hates straight people, hates families, and hates your damn grandma. Hollywood wants to turn your son into a fag and your daughter into a dike and/or slut, regardless of any predisposition otherwise. However, There is nothing that Hollywood hates more than God and his son Baby Jesus, Republicans, and George Bush. Although I freely admit that I'm pretty pissed at Bush about the immigration thing, but I digress...But don't worry, as long as they have spokespersons as esteemed as Sean "those who bathe in the moisture of your soiled and bloodstained underwear, can take that noise and shove it" Penn, George Clooney, Leo Cap, and Rosie ODonnell, you can rest assured their inherent idiocy slows their progress.

Mid-Late 90's LSU/Sig Ep
Our time at LSU was a special, limited place in time. Pledge casualties were cost of doing business and there was little destruction that spackle or wood glue could not fix. We as a group did 10 times more with 10 times less than other chapters in spite of insane challenges and uphill climbs, not excluding the tri-yearly alum/nationals forced-purging of our bad-but-good apples. I think the evidence shows that most pledges who quit and repledged other frats were dorks there too. I miss Gert and Vo and being so drunk in the house after an LSU game that I couldn't see. I just realized recently that most people don't drink that much that often.

Sorry my stream of consciousness took up so much bandwidth..

Oh Yeah, Michael Vick is a Dog Killing Thug and while Harbaugh may not be gay, his kissing of Pete Carrol's ass does put him squarely in the bi-sexual or "just experimenting" category (which btw real men do not believe exist).

That's why I was initially pleased with the Patriot Act. I think that any hamstringing of the clandestine services is a mistake, and the only result will be a nation that is more vulnerable to a full spectrum of threats. And to the naysaying anarchists that cry foul over the people that have been detained under the patriot act (which is less than 2000 in a country over 300 million{Nerd can do that math and get back to us}) my reply is: if you're not doing anything wrong then you don't have anything to worry about. It's not as if the U.S. government has made wholesale arrests of every non-showering ELF member that ever thought of getting out of bed before noon and then setting a chrysler dealership on fire. It's not like there is a shortage of out spoken, dreadlocked white girls that hate the "Industrio-Military Oligarchy" of America but feel free to run up their cell phone minutes on the infrastructure that they claim to despise, who didn't quite finish their degree in Womens and Gender Studies at UT, but who now run a successful ceramics gallery in Austin, subsidised, of course, by their parents (who voted republican) Where is the "abuse" of power here?

Not likely. I think what happened to the CIA when the liberal hippy reformers took over Congress in 1974 was similar to what took place at the Nerd House when nationals came down in the fall of 1998. The old days of fun and lawlessness were ruined for everyone, and the organization was overtaken by blatant rule-obsessed pussies. The life cycle of bureaucratic organizations can be quite sad like that.

I just went to see the Bourne Ultimatum. What a load of propagandist, flagrantly anti-patriot act, crap. I wont bother to explain it since you can all easily go and see the movie. In my opinion, I hope that America has some "hard, pipe-hittin' mother fucker's" out there ready to answer the call of duty without feeling the need to question everything or editorialize their feelings. What does Holywood want us to become....Canada? (Disclaimer - that was a bogus use of our northern neighbors to prove a point....everyone knows that Canada is full of badasses.)

"I have been studying Mandarin and intend to date an Asian in the near future." = David Turner Syndrome

Gingervitis

That is a truly special episode. I did not see it this week, but I have seen it many times. Whether I am a daywalker or not...in time, all will be revealed. Meanwhile, consider it a mere coincidence that I have been studying Mandarin and intend to date an Asian in the near future.

Koreans Suck
Before I get into more serious matters, first allow me to say that I think Koreans are jackasses. They take cowardly appeasement and being "useful idiots" to a whole new level of dumb. Check out the "Join Together Society of Korea" group featured in this article. Yeah, just keep it up with your "Sunshine Policy," Roh Moo-hyun. I'm sure Kim Jong-Il will play nice, and everybody will end up happy, if only you cave in to enough of his demands and show enough effort to "understand" him. You are a disgrace to your people.

Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh, and speaking of guys who exude masculinity, have you guys seen those "Hungry Like the Wolf" commercials for Old Spice. I love YouTube. Just as I linked to the "Skinheads from Maine" Dana Carvey skit before, so now I will link to Bruce Campbell singing "Hungry Like the Wolf" on piano for Old Spice.

Noland, when you started doing ROTC with the Navy at Southern, I figured you had something like this in mind for your future as an old sailor. Remember that time we drank at that hotel and we kept yelling at the band to play "Hungry Like the Wolf"? Hahaha. That band leader mockingly told you to sing it yourself, not realizing of course, that you're not exactly the shy type, and that you would do exactly that. Good times. Good times.


Bruce Campbell

Harbaugh Not Gay
And just to clear some stuff up before we get started, Harbaugh is NOT gay!!! He exudes manliness. While not the classic man's man, he is a devilish, rakish sort who likes to use hot women for sex and then coldly dump them ... or so I like to imagine. Hence the reference, "the Robe Lowe of the NFL." A guy who gets away with everything, and whom girls refer to as a real asshole, while secretly yearning for his love.

In any case, I was not referencing his comments about how good USC is this year, or his comments last year about how long Pete Carroll would stay at USC, but rather I was talking about his hilarious comments about his alma mater, Michigan. Pat Forde writes about it here.


Jim Harbaugh, looking as handsome and as powerful as a Kennedy.

Here are a few choice paragraphs:

Only one junior has declared a major, according to the guide (in movement science). In 18 years of covering college athletics, I've never seen virtually an entire junior class without a major.

So you look at those numbers and wonder whether Michigan doth protest too much. Especially without addressing the substance of Harbaugh's assertions.

"Everything I said," Harbaugh told me this week, "is supported by fact."

Hahahaha! And the Big 10 was complaining just last year about not being able to keep up with the SEC because they supposedly had such high academic standards. Bullshit. This might be true for Northwestern and Purdue, but not for any other teams. Don't get me wrong, Michigan is one of the top undergraduate schools in the country, and is usually vastly underrated by people who don't know any better. But much like Texas and Berkeley, a lot of its strength as an academic institution comes from sheer numbers. That school is frickin' huge. You can admit anybody you please and hide them where you want.

Muhammad Ali Story Cut Off Too Soon
Why are you being such a tease, Noland? You write "[j]ust to fill in some information on the Rutdledge [sic] story," and then you leave us hanging. How can one write, "That's where things went south pretty fast," and not elaborate further? Preposterous.


Ali in Atlanta, on that fateful night of July 19, 1996, about a month before the legend of Alpha Chi was born at the "Nerd House."

And speaking of nerds, I wonder if Nerd Bender (a.k.a., Pepper Jack) caught the Thursday night episode of South Park with the "ginger kids." Given my complexion and hair color, it was rather disturbing. Could Bender be called a "daywalker"?



Emily Turner Joins WVLA
Cool name. Great pitching career. Hot body. First female on-air sports broadcaster in Baton Rouge. Congrats, Emily.


Henry Hager Scores a Political Marriage
Oh, and Noland, tell your stupid friend in the Navy to eat his heart out. Jenna got engaged.

She actually married a slightly older intern in the White House. So I guess it could have been me in a slightly different world. But then again, Jenna was a Theta at UT-Austin.

A Preseason Blogging Agenda
#1. Foreign Policy Debate -- We shall wow the Internet world with our political wisdom.
#2. Reposting of Classic Posts -- I'll dig back in my stored archives and pull back some of the better quotes over the years. I think I may have lost all the pictures though.
#3. Some Local Happenings -- What's going down with the crew in Baton Rouge. (LATEST NEWS FROM THE HOUSE OF GIBBONS: Amelia's home!)
#4. Preseason Analysis of College Football
#5. Annual College Football Parlay Competition

Last year I did a Tuesday Roundup thing with political and news events, and tried to keep that separate from everything else. I might or might not do that this year. There probably won't be a whole lot to talk about. Jindal pretty much has the governorship of Louisiana locked up, and there looks to be legislative gridlock in Washington in a non-election year. I don't know, maybe I'll start talking about celebrities or some other stupid crap.

Heh heh.

Yeah man, bring all that stuff.

I think China is up to some crazy shit. Poisoning our dogs and cats and now our babies. It may be time to give Iraq the finger, convalesce for a year and then beat the dog shit out of China. This is America, NO ONE F*CKS with our dogs and babies.

I'd say fire away. Additionally, if you're bringing back any old posts I would like the one that praised me as one of the "four most notorious drunks at LSU in the late 90's." That way when my kid even suggests that I'm not cool I can pull that out and cite my source.

Stupid kid.

Nah, that's not what I meant. I meant "clearing away" as in just getting some foreign policy-type things off my chest before football season begins. I do have old posts archived, so perhaps I'll bring back some classics in the near future.

You mean deleting the old stuff on here?

Personally, I thought it was cool to read through the old posts when I first started checking out the blog, almost like a history of everyone's stuff..are the old posts still around or gone for good?

Two Weeks Until Kickoff
So, I've been thinking, should I clear away some crap on the Global War on Terror, the heat wave, and other pursuits here, or should I shelve them onto another blog? Either way, my preseason preview of college football is coming soon. Stay tuned...

Just to fill in some information on the Rutdledge story......the evening of the opening ceremony with M. Ali that got Rut so fired up was also Debbie's birthday! She was on her way over to pick him up (he was already drunk and unable to drive) for a nice dinner out. She got there about an hour after the ceremony was finished and by that point Rut wasn't in a very romantic frame of mind. That's where things went south pretty fast. I would say it wasn't what she was in the market for when she started dating a "frat boy" from West Monroe. She did wear that cool hat though which was nice.

Yeah, I really did like his articles. Had to forward around the links. It's very effective style without the usual chest-thumping (which is fine, and well-deserved I'm sure, but gets boring to read). His style is probably more effective to civilians than the usual type of war-reporting because he effortlessly draws analogies to life back home. I think I may know him either from back home in Covington, or maybe in the service, depending on what units he's been in...

Mike Pitre is from Madisonville. He went to LSU and worked at the Backpacker with me for a few years. You probably saw him there. We got to be really good friends and he stood in my wedding. He's in Iraq again now for the last time before he's a civilian again. He's a really good writer. After that series of articles he was actually offered a book deal from some publishing house in NY, but he is waiting until he's out of the Marine Corps so he doesn't accidently get into any trouble. I figured you would like those Gibby.

I wonder if the PAC-10 Championship trophy is made from real plastic, or artificial plastic?

Those articles by Pitre are exceptional. He mixes everyday thoughts and observations with Iraq War-zone hell effortlessly. Is he from Louisiana? He looks familiar. The article on the zealots running in the 120 degree heat reminded me of one of my marksmanship instructors in boot who was a force recon freak and would go on 5 mile runs wearing a gas mask with hood http://www.approvedgasmasks.com/images/3M-FR-M40hooded.jpg . He said it helped him build up his lung capacity. I'm not sure if that was true or not...

Although I do detect the sarcasm even over this Internet thingy, I still think it needs be said that: the only thing more gay than Jim Harbaugh is Pete Carroll. Observing them in a Pac-10 circle jerk does not surprise this blogger. Carroll's expression after Harbaugh made his comments made it clear who was the pitcher and who was the catcher.

Check out Kige's take on Bonds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmDBqmADX3s Thanks a frikkin mil, truck, I'm now freakishly hooked on watching this clown.

Take it easy.

First of all Harbaugh is a very handsome man and that gives him the right to say whatever he damn well pleases. It's also nice to know that, at long last, the PAC-10 has a voice now that "Rob Lowe" is representing the conference. Finally PAC-10 football will get the media coverage it deserves for being the toughest conference in the nation. Finally teams like USC and UCLA can come out of media obscurity and can take their place on the national stage where they belong. It's been far too long since PAC-10 football has been buried under a rock out there in the western desert. Finally USC will get the attention it deserves after four straight national championships. Thanks Jim Harbaugh.
As for Biggio's retirement....it just makes me feel old. I was actually in the Astrodome with my grandparents to see his first game. Twenty years can really fly by when you spend seven of them in college.
Finally, I thought you guys might like to read a few articles that a friend of mine wrote while deployed to Iraq as a Marine Officer. They are loosely based around the importance of sports to the guys over there, but they are really well done from any perspective. My favorite is the one about baseball.
Did I mention Harbaugh's devilish good looks? Eat your heart out Pete Carroll.

Skinheads from Maine
Also, Matt, let me know if you run into any of these guys around Halifax.

Hey, Noland, do you have any thoughts about the upcoming Biggio retirement? I think you're officially the biggest Astros poster on here since Nicholson and Stone haven't been posting lately. Also, what do you make of the recent Jim Harbaugh statements about USC and his alma mater Michigan? I'm glad the "Rob Lowe" of the NFL (as we liked to call him) is coaching a college football team now at Stanford.

Well with all of the talk of homosexuality I thought I'd better say hello to everyone. Congratulations to you John. We have one month to go until the due date of our new arrival....who will be a Canadian citizen as well as American. Now if you will all excuse me I have a two hour afternoon sympathy nap to take. Cheers!

Ok, since football season is almost upon us, I've made my way back to check out the blog. Good to see it's still going and with a new active participant as well. Good to hear from you Gibb. My 2 cents...Myspace is gay if you're male and over 16 when you created your page, facebook is fine...I don't have either.

John, congrats on your new fatherhood. I'm glad everything went alright. Good luck!

My favorite latest quote from a future LSU wide receiver upon making his grades...
"Demetrius is sayin to all that thought I was not gonna make it man fuck yall wit an AIDS DICK." - Demetrius Byrd (reported quote from his Facebook page)

In case y'all haven't seen it yet, here's pictures of the Live Oak endowment...